Megan Manzi and Luke White
Megan Manzi, 34, blogger
Luke White, 34, songwriter and producer
Years married: 10
Child: Ainsley, 9 months
Los Angeles, California
Megan will admit it—she was a groupie of Luke's for three years before actually working up the nerve to talk to him. "His voice melted me—and the way he danced around onstage in his ripped jeans helped too. I watched him play everywhere from dive bars to the local church. After we finally connected face-to-face, I called my dad and said, 'This is the man I'm going to marry.' A year later, we did."
Luke was initially attracted to how bold and charismatic Megan was and found himself smitten after only a month. "I love that she always says exactly what she's feeling. I'm never stuck guessing. She's forthcoming and honest to a fault. It's very liberating in a relationship," says Luke. "She demands honesty from me. I've learned not to hold back or hide how I'm really feeling. I've also learned how to strongly state my own opinions and feelings."
The couple is open about the hard parts of marriage. "Embracing the individuality in each other can be challenging. And that means never unintentionally holding the other person back! That goes for the big and small things," says Megan. "Luke's love of sci-fi movies and college football isn't for me, but I try to make sure he has time with his friends for every premiere and game. And on a bigger scale, I've completely changed careers three times during our relationship, and Luke has encouraged me—even when it made things financially stressful. One person's hobbies and passions certainly don't always line up with the other's." A rough spot in their marriage came when Luke's band, Atomic Tom, started getting recognition at a time when Megan's career was going through a lull. She was thrilled for him but also felt left out. "We had to work hard to reconnect and stay united," she says.
The birth of the couple's daughter less than a year ago, which Luke calls "the greatest thing that's happened to us," also changed the direction of their usual Friday night dates. "Nowadays a 20-minute hummus break on our front steps while she naps is often the most we can manage. But we've promised to keep the Friday dates, no matter how simple they've become," says Megan. And when she feels stress, she just relies on Luke. "All my anxieties fade away when he sings, and now I get to hear him sing every night to our baby. His voice helps silence all the hustle and bustle going on in my head. It's the sound of home."
More thoughts from Luke:
What was biggest challenge you faced in your marriage and what did you learn from it?
The biggest challenge so far has been the birth of our daughter. It changed so many of the practical elements in our marriage immediately. I was proud of how much we planned for it, talked about it, prepared for it. But so many factors came into play that it really threw us! Unexpected challenges from the pregnancy, delivery and birth. We've had to really come together and hold on to the things in our relationship that matter.
Are there any aspects of your married history that you wish you could do over or change?
I wish I could have made Megan a bigger part of my music career over the past 10 years, even taken on her on tour more. I put weird borders around that part of my life for so long and I'm not sure why. It wasn't loving or respectful, and it certainly made things harder for us.
What is the best piece of advice you'd give to other couples?
Nothing else is as important as your relationship. Climb your individual mountains and come back to each other at base camp. Often. And for all the right reasons.
More thoughts from Megan:
How do you handle your problems and disagreements?
We talk everything out. Everything. Because we've learned quickly that even a small issue can start to fester if not addressed. I'm very direct, for better or worse. But I'm still working at saying things in a more caring, less aggressive way. And at an appropriate, private time! I have to admit I've been known to bring up a marital gripe or two at the completely wrong moment. You know, let's just say family holidays aren't the time to hash things out. Christmas dinner tastes better without the awkward silence of your in-laws!
What does your partner do that still drives you insane?
Pre-coffee, we are not at our finest. His snarkier jokes can sometimes land the wrong way on me if I haven't had a fair amount of caffeine or wine!
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