8 Commandments for Surviving Christmas Custody

According to the U.S. Census Bureau via CNN, there are an estimated four million divorced parents in the United States. Based on those numbers, many have experience in coordinating Christmas custody. Christmas is already stressful enough without having to deal with not having your kid around. Sure, there are those moments when you beg for five seconds of peace without hearing your name chanted over and over ... But then there are those moments when you catch a break, when your ex has the children. Those type moments may not come around too often, so, I'm offering you a set of commandments to follow so that you can have a sound mind and actually enjoy Christmas.

 These are commandments that I have used in my seven years of sharing custody during the holidays. Some are easier said than done, but I noticed that as I trudged through them, sometimes through tears, I felt better about myself as a person, a parent and an ex. And, yes, there are only 8. I cannot out shine God, so here are my 8:

 Thou shall not call your ex every second of Christmas day Don't be weird!

 Let the non custodial parent have this time with your child. Call one time to wish your child a Merry Christmas. This lets your child know that you are thinking of them, miss them and can't wait to celebrate Christmas all over again with them once they return.

 Thou shall not feel guilty

Many divorced parents feel guilty, especially during the holidays. Ditch the guilt; it gets in the way of having a great and positive relationship with your kid.

 Thou shall not sit around and sulk

 Stop it. You are wasting time! Tis the season, get on with the holiday cheer. Trust me, your kid is not sulking, so why should you? Enjoy the season.

 Thou shall enjoy your time

 I am sure you've uttered the words, "If I could only get some free time." Well, here's your chance! Use this time to refuel. This is time for you to nurture yourself. Just think, you could read that book you just unwrapped on Christmas morning. Or lay in bed and watch the constant stream of A Christmas Story. The possibilities are endless!

 Thou shall feel whatever emotions thou art feeling

 Feel your feelings, just not in front of the child. There are a range of emotions you may feel leading up to the time your time leaves to certain feelings upon their return. This is okay because bottling your feelings could do more harm than good.

 Thou shall reassure the child

 Some children may feel uneasy about actually enjoying their time with the non custodial family. Some may feel as if they are choosing sides and leaving the custodial parent alone. Reassure the child that you will be just fine, even if you have to fake it. Children should not have to feel the heavy burden of guilt.

 Thou shall celebrate Christmas twice in one month

 Twice is nice! Once your child returns, have Christmas all over again by letting them unwrap the presents Santa dropped off. This could be a great way for the child to transition back home. Speaking of transition ...

 Thou shall be ready for the kid to have an attitude once they return

 Just as we parents feel a range of emotions with Christmas custody, kids may experience emotions once it's time to return home. Kids can be torn between wanting to stay with both parents. They, sometimes, aren't able to express themselves and can act out. Take this into consideration when they display certain outbursts or "lash out episodes" once they return home. By then, you should be refueled and ready to take on the world! Okay, breath.

 Christmas only happens once a year. Remember, your child needs you just as much as they need their non custodial parent. I know that every situation is different and you as the custodial parent must do what is right for the child.---Tiffany Benyacko 

Holidays and Divorce...

This video pretty much nails it

Movie Friday

Inherit the Wind (1960)

Two grand old lions of the screen, Spencer Tracy and Frederic March, play two grand old lions of the law, Clarence Darrow and William Jennings Bryan, as they grapple in the historic 1925 Scopes “monkey trial” in backwoods Dayton, Tenn.

The film, adapted from a 1955 play by Jerome Lawrence and Robert E. Lee, is a fictionalized account, and the characters’ names are changed, however slightly (Tracy’s Darrow is Henry Drummond, and March’s Bryan is Matthew Harrison Brady).

But much of the courtroom testimony was taken straight from the trial transcript. Nor have Americans evolved much; 80 years later a federal judge in Pennsylvania was forced to rule on “intelligent design.”

TRIVIA: “He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind.” Proverbs 11:29

Financial Tips for People Facing Divorce

There is nothing simple about divorce. More than likely, you feel as though all aspects of your life are in turmoil -- from your family to your emotional well-being to your finances. With the exception of child custody issues, the financial impact of divorce is usually the most frightening part of ending a marriage. How many of us feel truly confident when it comes to handling our finances while we're married? Add a divorce into the equation and it's even more confusing and scary. Your head is probably spinning with questions. Will I be able to support myself? Will I have to go back to work or find a higher-paying job? Will I lose my home? And, if I keep my home, will I be able to afford it? While it is tempting to allow fear to paralyze us, your financial future will be much more secure if you educate and empower yourself.

Here are seven steps to take as soon as you are confronted with a divorce.

Make copies of all financial statements and records. While your checking and savings accounts may be obvious, don't forget to include 401(k)s and retirement accounts, insurance policies, tax returns, mortgage statements, and any other documents relating to your finances. Once you gather them together, be sure to store them in a safe place.

Know your assets and liabilities. Write down everything you own and everything you owe. Most assets and liabilities accumulated during the marriage are community property and community debt. Both you and your spouse are equally responsible -- no matter who racked up that credit card bill -- and if one of you defaults on a community debt after the marriage, the other may be held liable.

Pull your credit report. Work on improving your credit if it is less than stellar. If you don't have credit in your name alone, begin to establish it now.

Open your own credit card and bank account. Be sure, however, to not incur any additional debt.

 Manage joint accounts closely. If at all possible, work with your spouse to pay down debts and lower liabilities. Spouses behaving badly often run up credit card bills or withdraw funds in joint accounts. Check your balances regularly and close joint accounts when you can.

Understand that not all property is created equal. A home appraised at $700,000 is not the financial equivalent of a retirement account with a present value of $700,000 or a family-owned business that grosses $700,000 a year. Before agreeing to give up or to keep an asset, you must know its tax consequences, cost basis and current value.

Create a budget. A budget will do two things: It will give you a realistic picture of what you'll need to live on and will also help in your settlement negotiations. The sooner you're able to reduce unnecessary spending and realistically asses your money, the better your financial situation will be. Talk to a financial expert who specializes in divorce. A divorce can cause us to think emotionally rather than logically. A Certified Divorce Financial Analyst or a Financial Advisor who is experienced with divorce financial planning can help you to clarify your goals, build your financial future and offer you peace of mind.