Making Love Last: Real Couples Share Their Stories

Dalida and Nick Clifton

Dalida Clifton, 50, automotive product specialist

Harold "Nick" James Clifton, 44, field engineer

Years married: 10

Child: Nicholas, 9

Charlotte, North Carolina

Dalida first caught Nick's eye at an automotive event. "She wasn't all dolled up—she had very little makeup on and was wearing a polo and khakis, yet she still stood out. I think what attracted me to her was her confidence and how quick she was to laugh." When Nick's coworker hit his head on the side mirror of a Ford F-150 truck that Dalida was talking to them about, she lost it. "Without hesitation or reservation, Dalida began to laugh—and not just a cute giggle but a bent-over, tears-in-her-eyes belly laugh," recalls Nick. "It was beautiful." For her part, Dalida says she loved how easily their conversation transitioned from cars to family, life and food. "We talked for only two hours, but I felt like we'd known each other for decades."

They've been laughing for 10 years now, staying connected through their son, Nicholas, and through faith. "I love how my wife puts God first in her life and our lives," says Nick. "She has helped me grow so much spiritually, and she's brought me out of my shell. If not for her I probably would not be nearly as involved in our church as I am now. She encourages me and is always talking about the potential she sees in me, while at the same time keeping me grounded.

In 2009 their marriage was tested when Nick was laid off. The family of three had to put their belongings in storage and move in with Nick's mother. "To add to the stress, after convincing Dalida it was the right move for us, I took a civilian contractor job as a security systems engineer in the combat zone in Afghanistan for eight months. She was left with Nicholas in my mother's house until I came back and we were able to buy a home," says Nick. "That year nearly broke our marriage, and it took time to completely recover. Looking back, I learned that marriage is a struggle sometimes, but I also learned what it really means to be a family and to love someone regardless of what the world throws at you." He knew his wife was frustrated and angry, but it didn't show. "She never belittled me or gave up on me. She always encouraged and supported me. I tell her to this day that in my mind I could see the disappointment in her eyes; she denies I saw any such thing. She never once voiced anything but love."

What does drive Dalida crazy is Nick's little habit. "I have three separate clothes hampers in the house, and yet it's still easier for Nick to leave his dirty clothes on the floor on his side of the bed instead of walking less than five feet and placing them in the hamper!"

Dalida says she's happiest when the family is all together and she can admire her husband and son. "I love the father that Nick is to Nicholas. Nick grew up without his dad, so it always amazes me how becoming a parent came so naturally to him. It's these 'daddy' qualities that make me love Nick more every day."

More thoughts from Nick:

How do you handle your problems and disagreements?

First, we don't yell at each other or call each other names. If either of us is angry to the point of yelling, we walk away until we calm down and then come back and discuss the issue, because neither of us ever wants to have to apologize for something we said in anger. We both agree that even though you may have said it only in anger, you still meant it and you can't take it back. That time we take gives us a moment to reflect on what the issue is and whether it's a big enough deal to continue with the conversation. If we still don't agree, we can usually just agree to disagree and leave it at that and try to never take it personally.

What's the most difficult thing about being married?

For me it's not being able to always make my wife happy. I'm a firm believer in "happy wife, happy life," but it's not just trying to appease her; it's a genuine desire to see her smile and laugh. It hurts me to see her struggling and/or stressed about anything, and because she's an independent woman she tries to keep her problems to herself and work them out on her own. I can see it on her face and hear it in her voice when she's dealing with something, and over the years I've become able to get her to talk more about those issues. But she still tries to keep them from me at times, even though she knows I'm here for her.

When are you two happiest?

Just sitting around the house or lying in bed talking about life. Dalida and I can talk to each other about anything, and all our friends and family know that if you tell one of us you've told both of us. We have discussions every day about everything from the latest celebrity gossip to the presidential race, from how was our workday to race relations in America. We talk about what Nicholas has been doing in school and how much he's just like one or the other of us when he's cracking jokes and dancing through the house. No subject is off-limits and I think we're happiest just exploring each other's minds.

More thoughts from Dalida:

In which ways does he bring out the best in you?

Nick is beyond supportive of anything I embark on, whether or not I have the confidence to get it done. His classic response is "Babe, you can do it. Whatever you need me or Nicholas to do, we will do for you." That alone gives me the confidence and reassurance to be the best I can be.

What is the most difficult thing about being married?

Giving up my independence. Having gotten married at 40, I was pretty set in my ways. Needing to consult someone else about what I'm going to do, where I'm going, and justify my shopping was a huge adjustment. It's still difficult, even after years of marriage, but I've gotten a lot better.

When are the two of you happiest?

When we have family time. Doesn't matter if we're watching a movie, playing Monopoly or Scrabble, or reading. The time we spend laughing, joking and playing are the best times for me.