Movie Friday--The Paper Chase

The reason I became an attorney, it's hard to imagine that my late brother took his 10 year old sister to see this film.  But nothing about my brother was typical.

A music video about kids and divorce

In a new music video for "When You Love Someone," up-and-coming singer-songwriter James TW explores just how heartbreaking it can be to find out your parents are splitting up.

The 18-year-old British crooner wrote the song after learning that the parents of a young drumming student he taught were getting divorced. 

"The first thing I thought was how are they going to explain it to him in a positive way and one where he would understand," he said in a statement to HuffPost. "I wanted there to be a song that he could listen to which would make him feel better about everything that was going on.”

Movie Friday-Erin Brockovich

Erin Brockovich (2000)


 Julia Roberts does an Academy Award-winning turn as the real-life paralegal and sassy single mom whose dogged investigation into a suspicious real estate case turns up a pattern of illegal dumping of highly toxic hexa­valent chromium and one of the heftiest class action suits in U.S. history. Albert Finney portrays her boss, Ed Masry

4-Year-Old Takes Newly Divorced Mom On Valentine's Day Date

When you're a recently divorced mom, Valentine's Day is about as bearable as nails on a chalkboard. 

So when 4-year-old Max found out that his newly divorced mom, Emma Schofield,had no date for the big day, he was determined to be the best Valentine he could be for her.

During a trip to the grocery store this past weekend, Max slipped a few presents into his mom's shopping cart.

"My son told me to close my eyes, which I kept partially open to see what he was up to," Schofield, who lives in England, explained in a Facebook post, adding that she watched Max pick out a Valentine's card and teddy bear for her. "My eyes welled up as we continued to shop."

Then, on the big day, Max asked his mom if he could take her out on a date to Pizza Express, a nearby Italian restaurant, and offered to pay for the dinner with a jar of pennies he'd been saving for months.

"Of course, I was the designated [chauffeur]," Schofield explained on the Spotted Newton Abbot Facebook page.

At the restaurant, Schofield enjoyed a three-course meal with her incredibly charming date.

"We had this wonderful meal and Max's manners were impeccable," Schofield told Yahoo News. "He was ordering things and being so polite."

At the end of the meal, as Max was preparing to pay the bill, a waitress approached their table in tears. She and her coworkers were so touched by Max and Schofield's date that they offered their meal free of charge.

"This extremely kind gesture left me crying with happiness and holding onto my son with pure joy!" Schofield wrote on Facebook.

Julie Clifford, the manager at Pizza Express, said that the restaurant staff could see how much Max cared about his date.

"He clearly wanted to create a special moment for her," Clifford told Yahoo News. "And I'm only too glad that we could assist."

Movie Friday-Inherit the Wind

Two grand old lions of the screen, Spencer Tracy and Frederic March, play two grand old lions of the law, Clarence Darrow and William Jennings Bryan, as they grapple in the historic 1925 Scopes “monkey trial” in backwoods Dayton, Tenn.

The film, adapted from a 1955 play by Jerome Lawrence and Robert E. Lee, is a fictionalized account, and the characters’ names are changed, however slightly (Tracy’s Darrow is Henry Drummond, and March’s Bryan is Matthew Harrison Brady)

.But much of the courtroom testimony was taken straight from the trial transcript. Nor have Americans evolved much; 80 years later a federal judge in Pennsylvania was forced to rule on “intelligent design.”

10 Financial Mistakes to Avoid in Divorce

The two things that people worry about most in divorce are their money and their kids. Unfortunately, worrying about money doesn't prevent those same people from making enormous financial mistakes in divorce.

Here are a list of the top financial mistakes people make in divorce. If know them, you can (hopefully) avoid making them yourself.

1. Not taking the time to do an accurate post-divorce budget BEFORE you settle! Doing a budget is a hassle. Roughly two thirds of Americans don't make (let alone follow!) a budget. But trying to settle your divorce case without making a budget is like trying to drive from Texas to New York without a map. You can do it, but you are probably going to get lost a lot along the way.

2. Not insisting on getting all of your (and your spouse's) financial documents. No one likes to spend days digging up and organizing old financial documents. But nothing causes people to make more divorce money mistakes than not getting the financial documents that show whether their budget and balance sheet are accurate reports of their financial situation, or simply creative fiction.

3. Not getting assets valued. Getting your house appraised or your spouse's pension valued when you are getting a divorce is a hassle. It takes time and costs money. But the only way to really know what your house is worth is to sell it, or get it appraised. The only way to know what a pension is worth is to get it valued. If you choose not to do either, that is fine. Just know that, without having accurate asset values, you really have no idea how much either you or your spouse is getting in your divorce settlement.

4. Not looking at (and understanding!) all of your financial documents. It is not enough to get the financial documents that show the state of your family's finances. You actually have to read them and understand them. If going over numbers makes your head spin and your eyes glaze over, all I can say is: You're going to have to suck it up and learn. Or risk getting screwed. It's up to you.

5. Relying on your lawyer to do everything. Lawyers know the law, but they are not accountants or financial planners. If your finances are complicated, if you own multiple businesses, or have lots of different investments, you may need to either consult with a divorce financial planner, or hire a divorce attorney who has a strong financial background. No matter who you hire, you are also going to have to carefully review your financial documents yourself. No one will be able to spot financial inconsistencies better than you will.

6. Not understanding how taxes will affect your support and settlement. There is no way you can know how much your divorce settlement is really worth without understanding how taxes will affect that settlement. Taxes affect the value of the property you are receiving, and the amount of support you will actually receive or pay. Unless you want to be surprised with an enormous tax bill after your divorce, you would be wise to make sure you know the tax implications of your settlement before you get divorced.

7. Forgetting about the long term. Negotiating a support agreement that will allow you to live after the divorce is critical. But, unless you are going to be getting support for the rest of your life, you have to plan for the time when your support runs out. Regardless of whether you are receiving or paying support, you also need to clearly lock down the exact terms of support in your divorce judgment. Knowing how long you will have to pay (or will receive) support, whether the support amount is modifiable, and whether support can be extended for any reason is key to everyone's long term financial security.

8. Not thinking about insurance. Lots of different types of insurance can affect your divorce settlement. The biggest are health and life insurance. Not including the cost of health insurance in your post-divorce budget can leave you with a gaping hole you can't fill. Life insurance is critical for securing child support. If you are paying support and you die, what is going to happen to your kids? If you are receiving support and your spouse dies, how are you going to support your kids?

9. Sacrificing your own financial security for your children. We all want the best for our kids. We all want to shield our children as much as possible from the ravages of divorce. But there is a reason that flight attendants tell you that, if the oxygen masks come down in the plane, you should put your own mask on first before you put a mask on your kid. You are not doing your kids any favors if you negotiate a settlement that requires you and your ex to keep your kids in private school or expensive extracurricular activities if doing so means you can't pay the mortgage.

10. Making settlement decisions out of exhaustion. Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. Unfortunately, for most people, the most significant settlement negotiations occur at the end of the case, after you have spent months or years fighting with your spouse. By the time you get to the end, you are tired. So you give in and agree to a settlement just to be done. By the time you realize you have just made a huge financial mistake, it is too late to fix it.

• Karen CovyDivorce Attorney and Life Advisor.

Movie (OK--TV) Friday-Ally McBeal

For a bit of a change, Netflix has Ally McBeal a quirky, funny and sometimes sweet legal drama.  It's got a great musical soundtrack as well.  It's set in Boston, so there's are great shots of the city.

7 Conversations To Have Before Marriage (If You Want To Avoid Divorce)

Talk about these issues now to stave off problems later.

• Brittany WongDivorce Editor, The Huffington Post

When you make the decision to commit to someone, no topic of discussion should be off the table. Sure, some conversations may be more awkward than others, but having the tough talks now could help you stave off major problems in the long run. 

Below, psychologists and other experts share seven uncomfortable (but essential) conversations to have with your S.O. if you want to avoid divorce. 

1. How close are you to your parents? 

If you and your partner are used to different levels of involvement from your parents, problems will inevitably arise. Early on, talk about what feels most comfortable, said Kristin Davin, a New York City-based psychologist and divorce mediator. 

"The parent question is usually a problem when one family dominates spending time with the couple, especially around the holidays or when a child is born," she said. "Ask each other: 'How we can both enjoy each other’s families without feeling they're being overly intrusive? How do stand as a united front without saying ‘no’ too often or hurting family relationships?" 

2. How important is sex in a relationship? 

Don't let the initial hot-and-heavy, spontaneous-sex-at-every-hour-of-the-day phase fool you: It's not likely to last forever. That's exactly why it's so important to get a baseline understanding of how high a priority sex is in your partner's eyes, said Aaron Anderson, a marriage and family therapist and owner of the Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, Colorado. 

"Sex is one of the most common problems I see as a marriage counselor for a reason: After you’ve been together a while and the stressors of life come in, there tends to be problems in the bedroom," he said. "Sometimes couples have differing desires in the frequency of sex, sometimes they disagree on how experimental they want to be in (or outside!) the bedroom. These problems are rarely anticipated in the early stages of a relationship but they can cause big problems down the road." 

3. Do you want to have kids -- and if so, how do you want to raise them? 

Once you've decided if and when you want to have kids, give some serious thought to how you want to raise them, said Becky Whetstone, a marriage and family therapist based in Little Rock, Arkansas. 

"You need to figure out how rigid or loose you're likely to be when it comes to structures and rules," she said. "On one end of the spectrum is the very controlling, strict and punitive style, and on the other end is no control whatsoever. Find out where you and your partner stand along the spectrum." 

4. How do you define monogamy? 

Monogamy means different things to different people. To avoid overstepping boundaries, have an open, honest conversation about what a faithful relationship looks like to you. Then, negotiate a shared definition that works for both partners, said Elisabeth Joy LaMotte, a Washington, D.C.-based therapist. 

"It's really smart to clarify expectations not just about sex and whether you will be exclusive, but also expectations about social media, socializing and how you define monogamy," she said. "Ask the important questions: Do I have permission to continue a long-standing friendship with an ex? Is there an expectation that we'll share and discuss flirtatious comments received on Facebook? Is it OK to spend an evening out on the town with a good-looking, single colleague?" 

5. What does our shared future look like?  

Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten? Twenty? Does your vision of retirement include traveling the world and living it up -- or staying home and enjoying Netflix and chill: the retirement edition?

While you don't have to map out your entire life, having some general guideposts for the future -- and making sure your plans more or less sync up with your S.O's -- is definitely important, said Anderson. 

"When a couple is together, their lives are connected for better or for worse," he said. "Don’t just ask about what your goals are together as a couple, ask about what each others’ goals are individually."

6. What's your relationship with money? 

A 2013 study found that couples who argued about money early on in their relationships -- regardless of their income, debt or net worth -- were at a greater risk for divorce than other couples. To avoid becoming part of that statistic, discuss your finances, Davin said. 

"Oftentimes, if couples do talk about money, they talk around it; it's a very difficult and oftentimes sensitive topic to discuss," Davin said. "Create the necessary dialogue with specific questions: What is your relationship with money? How were you raised with money (meaning, what is your parents' relationship with money?) What did they teach you about money? How will you manage your money?"

Once you broach the topic, expect to revisit it. "Have enough time carved out because this is often a dicey subject," Davin said.

7. Do we have compatible argument styles? 

The honeymoon stage won't last forever. At some point, you and your partner are going to get into an overblown argument and you'll find out how you each approach fights. When that time does come, it's imperative that your S.O. is willing to handle disagreements in a healthy, constructive way, Whetstone said. If not, they better learn how to fast. 

"Dig deeply to find out how you’ll handle disagreements involving each other and also potentially children," she said. "The most important thing about choosing a mate is making sure you are compatible on the front end, meaning before marriage is even on your radar." 

Making Love Last: Real Couples Share Their Stories

Batya Zamir-Van Buren and Richard Van Buren

Batya Zamir-Van Buren, 73, artist, dancer and psychotherapist

Richard Van Buren, 78, artist and sculptor

Years married: 47

Children: Shula, 46, and Zak, 38

Perry, Maine

Richard was initially drawn to Batya's "beauty and high energy," but there was a moment when everything clicked. "It was the night I decided I was going to break off our relationship because I thought it would be too much work. Batya got angry and hit me on the side of the head with her purse. Then I knew she was the one—she really cared!" For Batya, affection for the "tall, very good-looking man" flowed organically. "I don't think there was one particular moment. Just a slow realization after a few dates that there was some deep sense of connection. I felt he 'knew' me in ways others didn't."

Still, Batya is honest about the adjustment it takes to commit. "The most difficult thing about being married is the need to constantly pay attention to the other. It requires tremendous work. And in our case it has been how to communicate through differences in thinking and feeling."

The couple, proud parents of two "creative, loving beings," have enjoyed a four-decades-plus marriage and taken everything that comes with it. "We've gone through tremendous changes. Our life and development have been a process and a real roller-coaster ride of emotions in all areas," says Batya. At one point the two separated, which they both still recall with sadness. "It was a terrible, terrible situation. But we survived," says Richard. "An extremely painful period," adds Batya, "and yet we learned a lot about ourselves. It seems that important growth and positive change happen during hard times." Richard also sees the upside. "Friction is not negative. Without it you don't feel as much."

When are they happiest? "When we are being loving to each other," says Batya. "And when he's sculpting and I'm dancing." Richard happily adds, "I like the fact that she's beginning to learn to laugh. Her honesty is sometimes brutal, but it gives me great trust in our relationship...and I love to watch her dance."

More thoughts from Richard:

How do you handle your problems and disagreements?

I usually start off arguing in a very loud voice, and I try to keep the intensity up until I see some daylight; then I can begin to possibly see Batya's point of view.

How did having children change your relationship?

When we had our first child, it felt like our telephone was disconnected. Most of my artist friends stopped calling. They did not know how to deal with even the idea of a family with children. Having a family in the New York art world was unusual in my peer group. Batya and I had no standard to compare or learn how to raise children in Soho. It was a period of consciously supporting the family. Before then, economics was nothing I took seriously. Being parents to our children made it very clear to me that art was not the only way to develop as a human being. I found great joy in my children. I have tremendous pride in both of them. They are creative, loving beings. My daughter is an actress and my son is completing his first novel.

What's the most difficult thing about being married?

To realize you live in a world that's bigger than yourself.

More thoughts from Batya:

In which ways does Richard bring out the best in you?

In the early years of our relationship, Richard was more adventuresome than I and more willing to take chances. He was more secure with spontaneity and traveling to foreign countries without a plan. He was more secure with our meager economics, always thinking that things would work out. I have to thank him for our home in Maine, which at the time it was bought I thought we would never be able to afford the payments. And now it's our primary residence. It's a quiet place where I can hear myself think and where my connection to nature has provided me with much peace.

How do you handle your problems and disagreements?

In the early years our emotionality over a given issue would make it difficult to hear each other. There was a lot of yelling trying to be heard by the other, as if raising our voices would facilitate that. But in time, and with a lot of therapy, we are better these days at hearing each other. Sometimes it still takes time to get to that point where we can hear and understand what the other is saying. There's a painful feeling of disconnection when we disagree. It's as if he no longer knows me.

How have you created a balance in your lives when it comes to working, parenting, cooking, taking care of the house, managing finances, etc.?

We've gone through tremendous changes over the years. Our life and development have been a process and a real roller-coaster ride of emotions and changes in all the areas mentioned. Our children no longer live at home, so there are fewer personalities to deal with on a daily basis. Nevertheless, with just Richard and me there's still, and always will be, a highly charged dynamic, which most of the time is very positive.