Sometimes the fight isn't worth the payoff

   There often comes a time in a  conflict where you realize, even if you are on the side of "right" it may be time to drop the gloves and walk away.  This happens frequently in marriages, no matter how hard you may have tried to bridge the differences between you and your spouse, you are faced with a life altering choice.  Do you continue using temporary fixes, or sever ties? There is no right or wrong answer.  There is only your answer.

   First you have to identify were the conflict is.  Do you fight over trivial annoyances, or are your conflicts related to trust, values, financial security or family conflicts?  Pet peeves and inconsiderate behavior can change.  Fundamental differences about how you conduct yourselves as a married couple are often not reparable.

   Next, really take stock in how you feel most of the time, are you always angry, or frustrated, do you cry most days or nights?  If you are living every day in pain or conflict, then you aren't really living.  You're married because you wanted a partner, a person who brings pleasure, joy and comfort to your life.  No marriage is without conflict, the question is, has your marriage become one big battlefield?

   Finally, consider how your well being, or lack there of resonates among those around you. Your children, work colleagues and friends are like a pond, and you are a pebble thrown in the middle, sending ripples to each and every one of them.

   If you are in conflict, you may fight, you may win, but ultimately you've lost yourself.