Temporary Restraining Orders and their abuse

    Domestic violence is a real and deadly issue in this country, and others.  For far too long women have suffered at the hands of their husbands and partners.  While men are victims of domestic violence in increasing numbers, women are the greater percentage of this type of abuse.  One out of every three women and one out of every four men have experienced some form physical violence.   The serious nature of abuse can never be minimized.
   Courts have systems in place whereby anyone can obtain a temporary restraining order against their spouse or partner, the order usually requires the abusive party to vacate a shared home and to cease all contact.  These orders can be the sole lifeline for someone facing abuse.  The trouble arises when these orders are sought and granted so that one party can get an upper hand in a divorce or custody case.  Attorneys will often use the tactic to intimidate a party, poison the judge assigned to their case or gain an advantage financially.
   One should never seek a protective order unless they have a real fear of imminent bodily harm, or that their children are in some kind of danger.  Placing a party in jeopardy of arrest, loss of job or reputation out of vindictiveness or spite only creates and atmosphere of anger, mistrust and multiplies the cost of any domestic relations action that may be filed.  Attorneys should question their clients at length when they are seeking a protective order.  Are there police reports?  Has there ever been a medical professional who has made note of bruising or injuries?  Are there independent witnesses who have seen acts of abuse.  I was advised early in my career, sadly that clients lie.  I was also told, "there is her side, his side, and somewhere in the middle is the truth."
   While some women or men do suffer ins silence, in this day and age of instant access and communication,  it's difficult to comprehend that a person with a job, a car, credit cards and multiple means of support could live year after year being abused and have not one person know it.  As an attorney we must be cynics, we must advocate zealously, but we cannot perpetuate a lie to gain an advantage.